In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful Praise is due to Allah, Lord of the worlds, may the blessings and pea...
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful
Praise is due to Allah, Lord of the worlds, may the blessings and peace be upon our beloved master Prophet Muhammad, the last of Prophets, on his family, and all his companions. To Proceed:
Dear brothers and sisters! Islamic teachings on marriage, rooted in the Qur'an, Sunnah, and the wisdom of the pious predecessors (Salaf), emphasise mutual affection, mercy, righteous character, and patience as the foundations of a successful union. The goal is to build a haven of tranquility and a partnership in piety that helps both spouses draw closer to Allah Almighty.
When both partners are mindful of Allah, it helps manage problems and brings blessings and barakah to the home.
Allah the Most High says in the Qur'an:
"And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought." [Qur'an, 30:21]
Rahmah or Mercy is especially important during difficult times when love might waver, reminding spouses to care for each other for the sake of Allah.
Allah the Most High says:
"They are clothing for you and you are clothing for them." [Qur'an, 2:187]
This implies that spouses should provide comfort, protection, and most importantly, cover each other's faults from the world, safeguarding their honour and integrity.
The Prophet Muhammad (Peace be upon him) said:
"The best of you is the best to his wife, and I am the best to my wife."
This highlights the importance of good character and kindness within the home, as actions in private should reflect one's public piety.
Supplicate for your spouse and your marriage constantly. Gratitude for your partner is essential, as Allah promises to increase His favours upon those who are thankful.
Conflicts are inevitable in marriage, but managing them with patience, pardon, and a sense of humour, while avoiding grudges, is key to a lasting bond.
When the Prophet Muhammad (Peace be upon him) received the first revelation and returned home overwhelmed and afraid, his beloved wife Khadijah (may Allah be pleased with her) comforted him and affirmed his noble character, saying:
"Allah will never disgrace you... You keep good relations with your kith and kin, help the poor and destitute...".
This shows the ideal of unwavering support and being a source of strength for one's spouse.
When their son passed away while Abu Talhah was away, Umm Sulaim calmly prepared the child's body and waited for her husband to return, only informing him of the death the next morning using a wise analogy about returning borrowed items to their owner (Allah). The Prophet Muhammad (Peace be upon him) later supplicated for them, saying: "O Allah, bless both of them," after they bore the news with patience and faith.
Aisha (RA) once asked the Prophet Muhammad (Peace be upon him) how he would describe his love for her. He replied, "Like a strong binding knot." When asked later how the knot was, he would simply reply, "The same as ever," signifying strong, enduring love.
Marriage is a Sacred Covenant. It is a strong pledge taken in the name of Allah and should not be taken lightly or treated as a disposable commodity.
While wealth, beauty, and status are considerations, the Prophet Muhammad (Peace be upon him) advised to prioritise a spouse's religion and character for success.
When making decisions, use Istikhara (prayer for guidance) and consult with wise, experienced, discreet people who have successful marriages.
Respected brothers and sisters! Know that, one of the social issues that Islam paid a great deal of attention to, and that is encouraged in the Book of Allah and the Sunnah of His Messenger (Peace be upon him) is the issue of marriage, because of the spiritual and worldly interests that it serves, the wisdom behind it, and the many benefits and sublime feelings it brings. It is a social necessity that is required for the continuation of life, the formation of families, the establishment of morality, lowering the gaze, protection of chastity, increasing the number of offspring and perpetuating the human race. Moreover, it is endeared to human souls: it is dictated by sound human nature, encouraged by Islam, sought by those with sound reasoning and is in harmony with sound nature. Through it tribes bond with one another, peoples are formed and nations increase. It brings psychological well-being, peace of mind, enjoyment of life’s blessings and cooperation in sharing the burden of social life. It is sufficient to note that it is one of the signs of Allah that are indicative of His wisdom and that call one to ponder the greatness of His creation and the beauty of His handiwork.
Respected brothers and sisters! The issue of marriage has changed from being a Shari’ah issue, a human necessity and a great act of worship if it is done with sincere intention, and has become a serious social problem. This is not because of its inherent nature; rather it is because of what people have introduced to it that is not connected to it in any way and that has nothing to do with it from the point of view of the Shari'ah (Islamic legislation) and sound reasoning. However, these matters have become – because of what people have introduced to the issue of marriage – things that are regarded as essential, without which marriage is not complete, as if this is what marriage is all about. This is the result of adhering to silly customs and ignorant (Jahiliyyah) traditions, and of blindly following worthless aims, and seeking to show off and boasting at the expense of Islamic teaching, sound reasoning and common sense.
Fellow Muslims! There has been a great deal of talk about obstacles to marriage; many articles have been written and people have heard a great deal about this matter that has preoccupied them and filled their time. This has brought about some good things for some individuals and families, but it has undermined and broken up other families. The voices of those who are concerned about their society have become hoarse from warning against what may accompany many marriages of problems and complications, and even prohibited and evil actions, traditions and un-Islamic practices, such as alterations, focusing on superficial issues, boasting, showing off and other non-essential matters.
O the Ummah of Islam! Our religion has laid down clear guidelines concerning this important matter. Islam encourages making marriage easily accessible and urges us to be economical with regard to spending for that purpose. Imam Ahmad and al-Baihaqi narrated from Aisha (RA) that the Messenger of Allah (Peace be upon him) said:
"The most blessed of women is the one who is most affordable (in terms of the dowry and other expenses).” [See al-Musnad of Imam Ahmad, volume 6, page 15; Sunan of Imam al-Baihaqi, volume 7, page 235]
Those who go against these guidelines by delaying, procrastinating and making things complicated are going against the laws of Allah and the Sunnah of His Messenger (Peace be upon him) in both word and deed. The true Muslim would never want that for himself.
Dear brothers and sisters! It is worth pointing out some of the problems and obstacles to marriage, whilst noting the bad consequences they have on both the individual and society. I shall explain the proper guidelines and beneficial remedy for each of these problems, in the hope that these words will find attentive ears and open hearts, and will be put into practice.
The first of these problems is: when the young people of both genders have lost interest in the idea of early marriage, and they have flimsy excuses for that, some of which are because of society as a whole and some of them because of the young people themselves. That is because they are too attached to unrealistic hopes and dreams and unfounded illusions, which in fact are inspiration from the Shaitan.
Some of them cling to the excuse of finishing their studies, claiming that marriage will prevent them from continuing their education. This is a flimsy excuse and a flawed argument. Since when did marriage form a barrier to academic achievement? Rather it has been proven by experience that a successful marriage helps one to focus the mind, think clearly and feel at ease.
Moreover, I tell you honestly, what benefit is it to a woman in particular to have a degree if she remains single and misses the chance to get married, and she ends up an old spinster, never blessed with a husband and children to bring her joy and security in this life and benefit her after death?
My advice to the youth, both male and female, is to think seriously about the matter of marriage whenever it becomes easy for them, and not to cling to idealistic notions – as they claim – that could form an obstacle between them and what they hope for of happiness and what they are aiming for of well-being. They should not use as an excuse what they call “securing one’s future”, because the future is in the hand of Allah Almighty and He alone knows what will happen.
Similarly, they should not use as an excuse the issue of resources and income, or the lack thereof. Provision comes from Allah the Most High although it is important to take the necessary measures to earn a living. Allah Almighty says:
"If they be poor, Allah will enrich them out of His Bounty.” [Qur'an, 24:32]
Abubakar as-Siddiq (RA) said:
“Obey Allah with regard to what He has enjoined upon you of marriage, and He will grant you what He has promised you of independence of means.” [Narrated by Ibn Abi Hatim in his Tafsir, volume 8, page 2582]
And Ibn Mas’ud (RA) said:
“Seek independence of means through marriage.” [Narrated by lbn Jarir in his Tafsir, volume 9, page 311]
Lack of interest in marriage on the part of the youth, both male and female, is very harmful and leads to negative consequences and a destructive outcome that will affect the Ummah in its entirety, especially nowadays when there are many causes of Fitnah (trials) and an abundance of deviant means of fulfilling one’s desires. There is nothing to protect the individual from slipping into immoral ways and corruption except by turning to marriage as prescribed in Shari’ah.
Unfortunately, some young people reach the age of thirty or more without having yet thought of marriage. The gate to moral corruption is only open when obstacles are placed in the way of those who want to get married. Indeed, indecency, fornication, homosexuality, lesbianism, masturbation, sexual harassment, flirting, suspicious relationships and travelling to immoral environments never became widespread except when marriage became so complicated, especially when that which undermines virtue and destroys chastity and modesty is so widespread, in terms of things that are seen, read and listened to of all types of indecency. This has come about as a result of that which evil modernity has thrown at us and that which was produced by this false modernisation, namely that which is broadcast by many media outlets and satellite channels, and that which is found on the Internet, information networks and social media, which has an impact on virtue and is thoroughly shameful. Allah is the One Whose help we seek.
O the Ummah of Prophet Muhammad (Peace be upon him)! There is another problem that poses a great obstacle. This is the issue of preventing women from marrying compatible suitors. The Messenger of Allah (Peace be upon him) said:
“If there comes to you one whose religious commitment and attitude pleases you, then marry [your female relative who is under your care] to him, for if you do not do that, there will be tribulation on earth and much corruption.”
This powerful Prophetic Hadith was narrated by at-Tirmidhi, Ibn Majah and al-Hakim, with a Sahih Isnad. Narrated from the Hadith of Abu Hurairah and Abu Hatim al-Muzani (RA).
There are some guardians – may Allah guide them – who have betrayed the trust that was placed on their shoulders with regard to their daughters and female relatives. They prevent them from getting married to men who are compatible in terms of religious commitment, character and trustworthiness. A suitor may propose to them who is compatible in terms of religious commitment, trustworthiness and character, and they will never find anyone else equal to him, but they put him off. They make weak excuses to him and focus on superficial matters, nonessentials and secondary considerations; they ask about his wealth, his job and his status, and they fail to ask about his religious commitment, character and trustworthiness.
Indeed, in some cases greed and avarice have led some guardians to present their daughters like merchandise to be sold to the highest bidder – Allah’s refuge is sought! And these poor men do not realise that this is a form of dishonesty, that leads to blocking marriage and betrayal. Blocking marriage means preventing women from getting married, unfairly and unjustly. Allah the Most High says:
"Do not prevent them from marrying their husbands.” [Qur'an, 2:232]
Please where is the compassion in these guardians? How can they not think of the consequences and terrible outcomes? Would it please them to hear terrifying news and disturbing stories about their daughters that would be a shock to any person of virtue and modesty? How about if they themselves were prevented from marrying when they were longing for it? What their reaction be?
O the guardians! Fear Allah with regard to the girls under your care and hasten to arrange their marriages as soon as a proposal comes from a suitor who is compatible in terms of religious commitment and character, for if you do not do that there will be a great deal of turmoil and corruption in the land. Preventing women from marrying and turning away compatible suitors is a crime against oneself, against one’s daughter, against the suitor, against the entire society and the Ummah as a whole.
Respected brothers and sisters! One of the chronic problems and serious obstacles that we are also facing today is the problem of high dowries and going to extremes in that regard. It has reached such an extent that for some people marriage is very difficult, if not impossible. In some regions, the dowry has reached such an unrealistic level that no one who can afford it except by incurring debt that weighs heavily upon the husband. It would distress every Muslim to learn that the greed of some guardians has led to them asking for a dowry of more than one million naira, from men of modest means, whose status is known to Allah alone. If they were to spend half their lives working to accumulate so much money they would not be able to.
Subhanallah! Has greed and love of worldly gain reached such a level among some people? How can a free, dignified woman be regarded as goods for sale and profit?
The dowry in marriage is intended as a means and not as an end; it is symbolic and is not to be used for profiteering. Going to extremes in this matter has negative consequences for both individuals and society, as is obvious to anyone who possesses any understanding, such as preventing marriages from taking place, and seeking wives from other societies that are different from conservative societies.
Greed on the part of some guardians does not stop there; rather in some cases, it has gone further to the point of stipulating conditions that are not to be found in the Book of Allah or in the Sunnah of the Messenger of Allah (Peace be upon him) – These conditions include stipulating that the suitor should give money to the father, and to the mother; that he should help the relatives; offer gifts to friends of the family, and so on. These conditions are contrary to the way of the righteous predecessors (Salaf/may Allah have mercy on them).
Umar al-Faruq (RA) said:
"Do not go to extremes with regard to women’s dowries, for if that was a sign of honour and dignity in this world and of piety before Allah, then Prophet Muhammad (Peace be upon him) would have been more deserving of it than you.” [Narrated by at-Tayalisi, no. 64; Ahmad, volume 1, page 41; Ibn Majah, no. 1887]
The Prophet Muhammad (Peace be upon him) said to a man concerning the dowry:
"Look for something, even if it is a ring of iron.”
And when he could not find anything, the Prophet (Peace be upon him) said:
"I give her to you in marriage in return for what you know of the Qur'an.” [Narrated by Bukhari and Muslim, from the Hadith of Sahl Ibn Sa’ad (RA)]
Abdur-Rahman Ibn Awf (RA) got married with a dowry of gold equal to the weight of a date stone. [Narrated by Bukhari and Muslim, from the Hadith of Anas (RA)]
The Prophet Muhammad (Peace be upon him) denounced going to extremes with regard to the dowry. A man came to him and said:
“O Messenger of Allah, I have married a woman with a dowry of four Uqiyahs of silver (i.e., one hundred and sixty dirhams).” The Prophet (Peace be upon him) said:
"For a dowry of four Uqiyahs?! It is as if you are digging silver out from the side of this mountain; we have nothing to give you.” [Narrated by Muslim and lbn Hibban, from the Hadith of Abu Hurairah (RA)]
Allah is the One Whose help we seek. How about those men who go to extremes today? They should be stopped and efforts should be made to educate them and make them see reason. May Allah help those with limited incomes! Ameen.
Dear brothers and sisters! The greatest problem with regard to marriage are the huge expenses and social customs that people have imposed on themselves, copying others and boasting, spending extravagantly on things such as jewellery and fancy furniture, and renting the most luxurious hotels, the largest palaces or the most beautiful banquet halls. And there are many other costs that are hidden and not visible.
Why all this, O Ummah of Prophet Muhammad (Peace be upon him? How can the Muslim believer expose himself to the wrath and punishment of Allah Almighty and be among the brothers and sisters of the Shaitan because of extravagance and wasting money in ways that are not prescribed in the Shari'ah? Allah the Most High says:
"Verily, spendthrifts are brothers of the Shayatin (devils), and the Shaitan (Devil – Satan) is ever ungrateful to his Lord.” [Qur'an, 17:27]
It makes one break out in a sweat to think of all this huge amount of money, which is enough to meet the needs of several villages and households, being spent on a single occasion, and for what purpose? Are you getting carried away because you have plenty of money in your hands? Don’t you think of the situation of your brothers and sisters in faith who cannot even find the minimum of food they need or water to quench their thirst or something with which to cover their private parts?
We seek refuge with Allah from ingratitude for His blessings and we ask Him not to hold us responsible for what the fools among us have done. By Allah, we fear the punishment and wrath of Allah in this world before the Hereafter. How often we have seen dozens of slaughtered animals and piles of food being treated with disrespect and thrown in the trash – Allah’s refuge is sought!
Fear Allah, O servants of Allah; and advise one another and be reasonable concerning the issue of marriage. Do not leave the matter in the hands of others, such as fools and immature women. I urge those who are working in the field of Da’awah, as well as prominent people, Islamic scholars, wealthy people and people of authority in the Ummah to set an example for others in this regard, because the people will follow their example.
Allah is the One Whom we ask to help us all to do that which He loves and which pleases Him, for He is Most Generous, Most Kind.
“I only desire reform so far as I am able, to the best of my power. And my guidance cannot come exce
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